Going Brace-less

Ding dong, the brace is dead. Well, not completely. But the surgeon gave me the go-ahead to ditch the brace whenever I feel comfortable. Over the next week or so, I’ll begin weaning myself off the brace. I’ll wear the brace whenever I work out, or if there’s a chance 7-year olds could barrel into my knee, but I’ll slowly increase the amount of time I function brace-less.

Other than the approval to ditch the brace, the surgeon really didn’t note anything substantive with my knee at my last appointment. He was pleased with my flexion – now at 122 degrees; he noted the knee bent “normally”; he felt my quad strength was on track; and he thought the osteotomy was healing well, though he commented that the 2 screws were visible. I’m not sure how that may impact my eventual recovery. My knee also makes a “clicking” sound when it reaches about 60 degrees in extension, which concerns me. Turgeon, however, said the clicking is normal. As long as it doesn’t hurt or hinder my extension, he’s not concerned. It turns out my good knee clicks, too, though not as loud or as often.

On Thursday, I wore a suit to an office meeting with defense counsel. I completed the ensemble by wearing my black brace outside my pants and tennis shoes. Picture “Monet’s ‘The Man in the Flannel Suit’ meets Mad Max meets Larry David.” I’m pretty sure you’ll see this look in an upcoming GQ. I just hope fashion designers properly credit me.

There is some downside to ditching the brace, of course. I’ll no longer be allowed to wear track pants and tennis shoes to the office. Nothing says government worker like black Nike track pants, white Asic running shoes and a tucked-in polo shirt. I thought about by tattooing GS-14 onto my neck to transform this look into “government chic,” but decided that might be taking things a bit too far.

Without the brace, I’m also going to feel a bit uncomfortable parking in handicapped spots. I’ve discovered that thirty-somethings emerging from SUVs in handicapped spots generate puzzled – even irritated – looks from strangers. But this anger usually disappeared when they spotted my gigantic knee brace. In other words, the brace provided me cover to park there. I’m not ready to give up my prime sparking spot just because I no longer wear the brace. I’m still limping, and the knee gets sore if I walk extended distances. Plus, I like quoting Bob Ueker, “I must be in the front row,” every time we head to the mall or out to dinner.

Thursday was an unofficial American holiday – the start of March Madness. Personally, I think the government should trade Columbus Day for March Madness Day. That’s just me. For only the 2nd or 3rd time since 1995, I didn’t celebrate this holiday in Vegas or at a sports bar. Actually, I didn’t even watch the games or fill out a bracket. You know the saying, if a tree falls in a forest and there’s nobody around to hear it, does it make a sound? Well, if I’m not screaming at some scrub to hit his free throws at the end of a 30-point blowout because I need his team to cover 31 points, is March Madness really happening? Anyway, I hope the knee heals in time for next year’s March Madness, because I miss spending 12-hours straight in the Venetian lounge, surrounded by buddies, Amstel Lites, cocktail waitresses and betting slips…