3-Week Update

3 weeks down. 75 more to go. That’s how long it’ll take me to reach the 1 ½ year mark, when, hopefully, I’ll be 100% “normal” again. Well, I’ve never been considered, “normal,” but you know what I mean.

I had another PT session today. Things went fine. My free-standing flexion was 77 degrees. At this point, the goal was 75, so I’m slightly ahead of schedule. However, I was a bit disappointed. I just increased my CPM to 87 degrees today. Even though I understand my free-standing flexion will be less than my CPM number, I was hoping to hit 80 today. In any event, I’m supposed to be at 90 degrees free-standing by next Friday, which will be just over 4 weeks since the surgery. I also learned today that I won’t be able to start biking until the 6-week mark, regardless of when I reach 90 degrees, because of the osteotomy. Once again, my Tour de France dreams are on hold.

Judy manipulated my leg with the usual push and pulls, before adding a new wrinkle. For an extra layer of difficulty on my leg raises, she strapped on a massive, 1-lb ankle weight. Hoisting that 1-pound green boulder 3-6 inches off the trainer’s table generated a rare Hulk-like adrenaline rush. This must have been what Roger Clemens felt like after taking HGH. After cranking out 30 leg raises, I almost hopped off the table to flex in front of the mirror. But then I remembered I’m in no position to hop off anything or show off my guns.

Judy also removed the gauze bandaging on my knee, exposing the Franken-scar. The steri-strips still cover most of the incision, but the scar is gloriously prominent, especially when the knee rises in the CPM. It’s almost like the Franken-scar wants to smack me in the forehead. I can’t wait to show off the Franken-scar by wearing shorts on my next mall walk. I predict 3 people will pass out, and 2 will lose their lunch.

So far, there’s been no bruising on the shin or knee, and just a little swelling. I’ve rarely experienced pain in the knee, other than an occasional pinprick. The knee aches a bit first thing in the morning and after completion of my rehab exercises, but thankfully those are the only times. I do feel discomfort in my foot – the top part as well as the heel and ankle – because it remains flexed in the brace 24/7. I’ve been able to shower braceless every night without incident. Sleep remains elusive, though last night I almost made it through the entire night. I hope this marks the start of a new trend, but that’s doubtful. Oddly, I’m not tired despite getting no more than 2-3 hour bursts of sleep. Perhaps I should’ve been a stake-out guy instead of a lawyer. I wish I would’ve felt this good without regular sleep when my kids were newborns.

One final comment that’s completely un-related to my knee; something I’ve just gotta get off my chest. I watched most of the inauguration festivities yesterday. Like most Americans, I was moved by the historic moment, and it renewed my faith in our country. But what the fuck was Michele Obama wearing during the swearing-in ceremony? Did her “superstar designer” steal some shower curtains from the 1950’s? My 3-year old draws better-looking dresses, and she can’t stay between the lines yet. Michele would’ve better off wearing something from Zoolander.

It pained me to hear TV commentators rationalize the “beauty” of her dress as some kind of bold fashion statement. All I kept thinking was whether anybody would notice if somebody puked on her. Where was Mr. Blackstone when you really need him? Her dress was goony. Just say so. Speaking the truth about her dress doesn’t detract from the moment, but putting lipstick on a pig makes you look silly. Finally, the word “irony” doesn’t do justice to those who criticized car executives for flying on private jets to Congressional hearings, but then celebrated by throwing 10 ballroom functions. Ok, I’m done ranting.